Erotic massages for world peace?

‘I’m a physiotherapist you know. I’ve been touching people all week long but this is the first time I am receiving touch’

My client is about 40, fit and lean. He is visiting Berlin and has dropped into the massage parlour before heading to see the football game later in the evening.

‘I’ve needed this so much, I didn’t even realise’

‘I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself’ I reply and pause for a moment; ’what do you think the world would be like if health insurance covered one erotic per person every month?’ I query. 

‘There would be no more war.’ He replied swiftly, no hesitation in his answer.

I laugh, he clearly understands the value I see in this form of physical touch and we swap a few more sentences on the power of erotic exchange before all words fall away and he’s totally under the control of my soft mastery. 

There would be no more war. 

This sentence and his direct way of answering stick with me for weeks, months. It so firmly mirrors the value I have discovered in this work since becoming an erotic masseuse in the hyper-sexualised and under touched world we inhabit.  For i’ve come to realise that that erotic massage can fulfil needs so universal, holy and deeply felt by all humans. The desire for surrender, to be worshipped, relaxation, to be seen and held in ones sexual desires and allow them to be fulfilled without expectation of reciprocity. To be witnessed and validated by a person you find beautiful and arousing. And most importantly to have an experience of arousal be embodied. To be physical. To be touched fully, from head to toes. To have your face kissed and ears nibbled and pressure applied deliciously on every square centimetre of the body that carries you all day from bed to office, the bahn and back again through so many stressful contexts. 

But how often do we allow ourselves to be worshipped? Especially if you are queer, and fall outside of the male identity. When did you last take up space just for you and your whole eroticised self to be touched and teased until full body arousal and pleasure engulfs you? Imagine if you did it regularly. What if you cultivated the belief that you are worthy of deep surrendered pleasure; often and consistently. It can be a tool for regulation, building self esteem and deep connection to yourself and others. It is an opportunity to feel the intrinsic worth of your natural body, its entire presence and innate human need to receive pleasure abundantly. To connect again to this embodied knowledge we have been socialised to forget, suppress and abandon along our path of sexual maturation. Please note I am writing this from a privileged position of having grown up comfortably in a wealthy country, relatively free of strong cultural and religious narratives, further separating me from embodied pleasure. For many, the barriers to this returning to embodied pleasure are far more complex and compounded by intersecting identity factors, personal trauma and geopolitical violence. 

From my position of privilege I have observed how in our highly eroticised, capitalistic society - conformist bodies and the allure of sex appeal and beauty are the myths our systems teach us to value. The goals to be achieved according to the marketplace. To be hot, tight, toned, perky, contoured, silky, hairless. But what has any of this got to do with the ability to feel and embody truely delicious pleasure? Not much really. True erotic pleasure has little to do with what your body looks like and everything to do with its ability to feel and communicate how it wants to be touched again and again and again. To be able to stay present when arousal arises in your system and not to disassociate or be overwhelmed by shame and guilt. To own the fact that you have the right to pleasure. To honour that every body has the right to feel sexual pleasure, no matter how different that body and the life it embodies may be to yours. Instead of promoting this, society teaches us to distract and substitute embodied pleasure with consumption and materialism. We are tantalised to buy lingerie, perfumes, make up, gym memberships, drugs and alcohol, shape wear and surgical procedures. It has been normalised by the masses that the dopamine kick of clicking ‘pay’ on your generously filled shopping cart is as (or more) fulfilling than being worshipped by a lover or friend. So we spend hours at jobs, saving money to buy things, to look hot and ‘feel desirable’ and continue having disappointing sex. And the cycle repeats. And repeats. And repeats. Meanwhile, all this energy wasted on disappointing sexual interactions builds the sexual tension so many of us feel and hate to interact with. Wolf whistles, stares and bad pick up lines are desperate attempts to be seen and validated in ones desire, which many have become awkwardly disconnected from. Simultaneously, few are daring to be vulnerable and communicate that these norms are leaving them hungry for satiating physical touch and sexually undernourished.

So if this frustration resonates and you find yourself desperate for change, your own sexual revolution maybe, start slowly and gently. Take an hour for your body after a hot shower to slowly touch every part of your skin with delicious oil before even considering engaging with your genitals. Stretch. Become familiar again with what it feels like to be aware of your skin, muscles and fascia. Reacquaint yourself with what makes your physical self feel good. To feel satiated in touch. Next, ask a trusted friend to worship you in one form or another.  Maybe this looks like being held tightly and lovingly on the sofa with your head being stroked and scratched. Maybe it looks like asking for your hand to be held, warmly and firmly, each finger being massaged and stretched. Trust yourself to take this process slowly as you relearn your embodied experience of pleasure. Ask your lover to set aside their desire and to hold space for your surrender into pleasure. Maybe you find a person in your life who will worship you using not only their hands but with the joyous burden of their body weight as you lie naked in deep relaxation. Invite your knees, shoulders, hips and toes into the conversation with full curiosity. Receive your massage and breathe deeply, amplifying your energy flow. Allow yourself to moan and shudder as your pleasure become heightened, freed from the concerns of ‘taking turns’ and being afraid that your embodied desire is greedy or ‘too much’. 

I believe we would interact so differently with one another, not just our partners, lovers and friends but the strangers who walk along side each of us if our need for physical touch was nourished and fulfilled, regularly and sustainably. Authentic erotic pleasure and desire is a core need for us to be fulfilled in and yet difficult for many of us to achieve. A core need, made so complicated by human ego and societal denial of its importance. As we make space for ourselves to explore the complexity of ourselves as erotic beings, we free each other from narratives that don’t serve us individually and collectively. We are reminded that under the outfits and jewellery, glasses and tattoos our motivations and desires are all pretty similar and animalistic; to feel safety and ecstasy in our bodies and accepted in our physical and so vastly complex emotional selves. Maybe a collective shift in priority from property, materialism and ownership to embodied pleasure really could put an end to wars. Or am I just an overoptimistic whore?

If you feel called to surrender to the magic of erotic massage but need someone to help you achieve this, you’ll find many Paramours in the collective love to offer these services. We look forward to hearing from you.

Written by Maxx Amoor